


This Love Came Back to You

by HeartshapedMusicBox



Series: Stand by you forever - a one shot collection [3]
Category: Karlie Kloss - Fandom, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Depression, F/F, Loss of Limbs, Physical Disability, pain and suffering and things that are bittersweet, some kind of future AU that I hope never ever happens, survivor's guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 02:47:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9947354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartshapedMusicBox/pseuds/HeartshapedMusicBox
Summary: It's been months; two days shy of three to be exact, since that fateful evening when an oncoming car changed your lives forever.You know she's trying to believe you, trying to convince herself that she's still beautiful, even like this, and it hurts you because deep down you feel like this is all your fault. That's the moment when you vow to yourself that she will never go a day without being told how beautiful she is, that you will show her how much your body still hums every time you look at her.





	

"Are you sure you're ready?" you ask a little nervously as you meet the gaze of the woman sitting in front of you. As soon as the words come out of your mouth, you wonder if the one you're really asking here is yourself, but she replies before you find an answer to that question.

"Kar... coming home to you is the only thing that's gotten me through these past few months," she says, looking up at you with so much love in her eyes you can barely keep it together.

You stare sadly into her blue eyes and brave a smile. All you wanted was to get her home too, but now that she's here, sitting in front of you in that chair, the happiness of having her home is tainted by the reality of the situation.

"Please don't look at me like that," she says, her voice barely more than a whisper, and she looks away. "I can't take any more sadness. I need to move on from this, we need to move on from this. Please."

Her eyes are back on you now, those bright blue holding your green in a pleading stare that causes tears to well up in your eyes. You quickly wipe them away as you nod. "I know, Tay," you hear yourself say as you drop to your knees in front of her and place your head in her lap, "I'm sorry," and you are, you really are.

She cups your face in her hands and leans in to give you a kiss. Your heart flutters from the touch of her sweet lips and it beats stronger, faster, as you keep her lips on yours.

She breaks the kiss. "Do you still want me?" she asks quietly, and you immediately pick up on how her voice breaks just a tad, like she actually believes you don't want her anymore, that she's defective and no longer what you fell for.

You startle and stare at her in bewilderment. "What?" you ask, shocked that she can even ask you that. Cupping her face in your hands this time, you hold her gaze and refuse to break eye contact with her. "Of course I still want you, Taylor," you say, making sure she understands. "You are beautiful, absolutely gorgeous, and there is nothing that can ever make me not want you. Understand?"

"But..." she starts, and you squeeze her hands tightly to stop her.

"No," you say, firmly but gently, before you ask her again. "Do you understand?"

She nods quickly and diverts her gaze from yours. You know she's trying to believe you, trying to convince herself that she's still beautiful, even like this, and it hurts you because deep down you feel like this is all your fault. That's the moment when you vow to yourself that she will never go a day without being told how beautiful she is, that you will show her how much your body still hums every time you look at her.

"If it's okay with you, I'd like to take you upstairs now and show you just how much I want you," you say seductively and stand up in front of her. Her eyes follow you, a swirl of lust now mixed into the sadness that shines out from them, and she smiles.

"I'd like that," she says. "It's been so long."

You chuckle lightly at her comment, even though there's nothing remotely funny about it. It's been months, two days shy of three to be exact, since that fateful evening when an oncoming car changed your lives forever. But you can't think about that now, can't delve into the pool of emotions that threaten to eat you alive every time you think about that night, so you shake the thought away and wheel her over to the stairs.

"We really need to get someone in to modify this place," you say as you think of how much of an idiot you've been for not getting that done already, "make it more accessible for you," and she nods. What she doesn't know is that you never did anything about it because you were terrified. Not of this, oh no, but of the thought of her never coming home to you in the first place, so you kept putting it off, afraid that if you started she'd take a turn for the worse and fade away from you.

At the bottom of the stairs, she locks the wheels in place while you remove the blanket draped over her lap and hang it over the railing. A small pang hits you in the stomach as your gaze flickers over the bottom of her skirt where the fabric lays flat against the seat. You swallow hard and wonder if you'll ever get used to seeing that.

You feel guilty. It had never been an option for you to lose her. "Forget the legs", you yelled at them, "don't let her die," but she lost more than her legs that night; she lost her whole world. Her life would never go back to how it used to be and you wonder how she managed to forgive you for it.

You shove those thoughts away and flash her a smile. "Are you ready?" you ask her for the second time that night and she nods. Taking a step closer to her chair, you lean in so her arms can wrap themselves around your neck. You place your hands on the upper part of her ribcage, right under her arms, and lift her up much the same way you would lift up your daughter. She clings to your chest, what's left of her legs wrapping themselves around the sides of your hips as your arms relocate themselves, one wrapping itself around her torso and the other placed under her butt to help balance the weight.

"I could get used to this," she murmurs softly into your chest and you smile because it's been so long since you've felt her breath on your skin.

You hold her tightly as you carry her up the stairs and into the bedroom where you lower her down onto the bed you haven't shared for three months. She immediately rolls around on it, laughing. "Ahhh..." she says, "my bed. My soft and beautiful bed."

You laugh for the first time that night because she looks so comically in love with it, but you understand – it's a great bed and she's been spending more than enough time in uncomfortable hospital beds. You remember all the nights you spent in one, refusing to leave her side for weeks until you were absolutely sure she would survive.

"Is there anything you need?" you ask her carefully, not wanting to ruin her moment.

She props herself up on her elbows and stares you up and down. "Just you," she says, matter-of-factly, and giggles so sweetly you can feel yourself swaying on the spot.

Slipping out of your jeans and panties, you crawl into bed, sprawling your long body on top of hers. Secretly you wonder if you'll ever get used to hers ending so abruptly just past your hips, but you shove the thought away as you kiss her hungrily. Your hands slip right under her shirt and you stop kissing her for a second to pull it over her head and throw it on the floor, her bra following suit, your lips meeting again mere seconds later.

She fumbles with the buttons on your own shirt as you nibble on her lips. A shiver ripples through her body every time your teeth hit her skin and she whimpers. It sounds like the most beautiful music to your ears and you can feel pure lust for her soar through you. This is what you've longed for - her body underneath yours, your hands and lips all over each other.

You finally wriggle out of your own shirt and get goosebumps all over as you lower your naked chest down onto hers. Closing your eyes, you savor the moment and find yourself breathing in her sweet scent. A shiver runs down your spine.

"Are you okay?" she whispers and you hum happily in reply to her question.

You sit up just below her and pull off her skirt and panties, leaving her completely naked on the bed. Biting down on your lips, you trace her outline with your gaze and you must have looked uncertain because her voice brings it up to meet hers. You notice her eyes are glazed over, like she's about to start crying, and you're confused as to why.

"Kar..." she says, her voice sad and shaky, and you suddenly understand what she's thinking.

"Shh," you say and flash a seductive smile her way before you lean in and kiss her stomach. You let your hands trace down her hips and onto her thighs, her left is slightly shorter than the right. She tenses under you as you softly caress the scars at the end of her stumps, and this time you understand that she's scared this will turn you off.

"Relax," you whisper to her as you slide yourself further down so you can plant kisses on the jagged scars. You kiss them carefully, your lips following the uneven lines, first on her right leg, then on her left. She gasps loudly and you stop immediately, your head jolting up to look at her and noticing tears in her eyes.

"Did I hurt you?" you ask softly, your voice layered with concern and fear, but she shakes her head vigorously.

"Please," she whispers, "I need you," and you take her cue. You leap right back into it, planting kisses on her scars again.

You move away and start kissing the inside of her thighs, your lips moving further and further upwards towards her hips. You slip your shoulders underneath her thighs and place your lips on her clit, dragging quiet moans out of her. The sound turns you on even more and you shiver with pleasure.

She loses her hands in your hair as you suck on her. Her moans grow louder as you let your tongue play with her, tracing infinity symbols over and over. Her thighs squeeze down on your shoulders in an attempt to grind into you, and you quickly help her out, placing your hands over the ends of them to provide her with the resistance she needs to spread her wetness all over your face. You love it.

It doesn't take you long to bring her to a climax and she growls loudly, her entire body wriggling underneath you until you let her go.

You come back up and lie down on her right side, smiling sweetly at her. She places her hands on your cheeks and brings you in, kissing you greedily and licking her own juices off of your face. You wrap your hands around her and pull her on top of you and she repositions herself, sliding down your body a few inches while her lips trail your neck in the form of kisses. She slips her longest leg in between yours and rubs you with it while her hand massages one of your breasts. You're so wet for her right now you're almost dripping. A long, throaty growl emerges from you, and she giggles because there's nothing else you want right now than to be fucked by your girl and she knows it.

Her teeth graze your nipples as she removes her leg and replaces it with her fingers. You gasp with pleasure as she slips two fingers into you, her thumb gently massaging your clit at the same time. When she slips in a third finger and fucks you, slow at first, then faster and faster, you moan so loudly you're sure everyone in the entire building can hear you. You grind into her hand and climax minutes later, your back arching up under her before you sink back into the mattress, a layer of sweat coating your entire body.

She drags herself back up to your face and wraps her arms around your neck. She kisses you sweetly before she lies her head down on your chest.

"Thank you," she says quietly as you let your fingers run across her back.

"For what?" you ask, even though you know the answer already.

"For still wanting me," she replies, her voice sleepy and distant.

"I'll always want you, Taylor," you say and she hums into your shoulder as she drifts away into a sleep you are sure will provide her with more rest than all of the previous three months combined, because this time it's on top of you in the bed you share together.

You nuzzle her neck and kiss her softly as you wrap your long arms around her butt. You run your hands over her scars again, letting your fingers familiarize themselves with the uneven flesh, while you try to remember what it felt like when her long legs were entangled with yours.

You feel the sting of tears in your eyes and let them flow freely down your face as you let go of what used to be. There might be less of her, but you still have her, that beautiful girl you fell for so long ago.

***

A scream pierces through your dreams and you fling your eyes open, seeing only darkness for a split second. You're confused, where's the sound coming from, until you remember you're not alone in bed anymore. She's here with you, finally, and right now she's thrashing uncontrollably next to you, clawing at her scars like they're monsters out to get her. She wails and you feel tears of your own threatening you, her obvious pain overwhelming you for a second before her screams bring you back to reality.

"Taylor!" you exclaim and attempt to grab hold of her arms, and eventually you do. By then she is shaking, loud sobs erupting from her and you pull her into your arms and kiss her forehead. "Shhh," you whisper into her ear and after a while you feel her body ease into yours, slowly but surely, the uneven skin of her thighs rubbing against your own legs.

You were told she did this often. Not every night, but more often than not. PTSD they called it, completely normal. It would pass with time. You just didn't expect to experience it on her first night home, not after the way the night had ended, how fulfilled and happy you had both been, but now you had and there is nothing you can do other than ride it out with her.

Her sobs have quietened down to whimpers. "Everything will be okay," you murmur as you stroke her hair, but you're not sure how she can believe you when your overriding feeling is that this is entirely your fault. She falls asleep again in your arms, but you don't – you spend the rest of the night feeling guilty and horrible and selfish. You wanted to keep her alive, but she was the one who paid the consequences of your own selfish actions.

Maybe you should have let her die.

You regret that thought in the morning when she wakes up in your arms, the most beautiful smile on her face. "Good morning, sunshine," she says softly and your heart flutters inside your chest because it's been so long since anyone called you that.

You carry her into the bathroom while you kiss her and put her down on the bathroom counter. She stares at you with a wicked smile on her face and you wonder what she's up to. "Have a shower with me," she whispers into your ear. A slow grin spreads on your face and soon enough you're fucking her in the shower until she begs you to stop. Afterwards you eat pancakes and cuddle on the sofa while watching movies all day.

That night you both sleep peacefully.

***

Everything goes well for about a week. It's when you're supposed to drive to your parents' house to pick up your daughter when things really start going downhill.

She refuses to come with you in the car and you have to coax her into coming with you. You feel like an absolute asshole for reminding her she can't stay home alone for five hours, she's not ready for it and the place just isn't accessible enough for her, even though you've had a guy working on it for five days now.

She doesn't speak to you the entire way there.

Everyone is happy to see her, but no one is happier than Annabelle. She runs to her mommy and climbs up on her lap to give her kisses and rants about a movie she got to watch that morning. For the first time that day, Taylor laughs.

When Annabelle asks about mommy's legs, like three-year olds so often do, you cringe visibly, and Taylor glares at you. "Don't," she hisses at you before she smiles at her daughter and explains it to her in simple terms. The toddler kisses her to make it better, and for a short while she's fine, but she cries silent tears the whole way home.

Time passes but you feel you're both stuck in a half-life. She becomes a hermit and by extension, so do you. She doesn't want anyone to see her like this and you're only ever allowed to take her outside to go to various appointments with doctors and therapists. They try to get her into prosthetics, but she refuses time and time again, and you understand that she's scared. It reminds her of everything she used to be and it's killing her inside.

You spend so many of your days fighting. She flings hurtful words at you only to cry into your chest moments later and you let her do it over and over. A part of you tells yourself you deserve everything she throws at you, but deep down you know this isn't about you at all – this is her way of coping with the pain. So you grit your teeth and stand by her, clinging to the hope that this will pass.

On good days, you explore her body inch by inch. You discover a spot on her left leg that sends shivers up her spine every time you kiss it, and you kiss it a lot from then on. You feel powerful when you make her scream out with pleasure, and it's such a welcome change from the helplessness you feel whenever her painful screams wake you at night.

Every night you put Annabelle to bed by yourself, because Taylor never wants to be alone with her. You understand she struggles, but it eats you up inside and you never know what to tell your daughter when she asks why mommy won't ever come kiss her goodnight.

***

One year after the accident, she locks herself in the bedroom with a bottle of wine and an unopened bottle of sleeping pills. You franticly call your sister and beg her to pick Annabelle up from preschool, and you spend the rest of the day sitting outside your bedroom door, pleading with her to not do anything stupid. As long as you can hear her sobs, you know she's still alive, but when they suddenly stop your entire body freezes. You barely dare to take another shaky breath and you're just about to rattle the door when you hear it unlock. You exhale with relief as she opens the door for you and you crawl in on all fours, not trusting your legs enough to stand up.

She crashes into your arms and holds onto you for dear life, and you wrap your arms protectively around her, both of you taking solace in each other. You spot the wine and the pills standing by the wall, both bottles unopened, and you smile through your tears because that means she wants to live.

Things only get better from then on. She becomes more independent and starts inviting friends over. First it's only one, but then she invites more and more until one night you come home from work and your entire old squad is laughing in your living room.

Your nights become more peaceful, she rarely wakes up screaming anymore and you feel like maybe, just maybe, she's getting back to normal.

One night you're taking Annabelle up to bed and she comes up behind you and takes your hand. "I got it," she says, the smile on her face finally reaching her eyes, and you lift Annabelle up into her lap. The look of pure joy on your daughter's face when she realizes her mommy will finally kiss her goodnight again nearly breaks you in half and you let yourself slide to the floor, hugging your knees while tears run down your face. She's finally come back to you and you smile through your tears.

It's a few weeks later when you find her sitting in her underwear on the bedroom floor, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She runs her fingers carefully over her scars in such a calm manner you don't want to intrude on her moment, but she's already seen you, her gaze flickering towards the reflection of you.

"You're beautiful," you say and a small smile spreads on her face.

She runs her fingers over her scars again, considering your words. "I am, aren't I?" she finally says, her gaze meeting yours. There's a clarity in her eyes that tells you she actually means it this time and you can't keep the smile off your face as you cross the room to sit down next to her.

She turns towards you and hold your gaze with her bright blue eyes, and you sit in silence for a while, a silence that is comfortable for the first time since she came home almost 15 months ago.

"I've been so lost," she says eventually and you feel tears sting in your eyes immediately because you know just how lost she's been. "I didn't think I could find myself again," she admits and you swallow, hard, "but I think I did, Karlie. I think I found my way back. I feel happy."

She takes your hand and you smile at her through your tears as she leans in to kiss you. "I love you," she purrs into your ear and your head spins.

"I love you too," you say. She's so close to you right now you can feel your heartbeat speed up as her warmth spreads through your shirt. You hold her gaze and lick your lips and she giggles, and the sound is so wonderful to hear that you can no longer keep your hands off her.

You wrap her in your arms and lift her up on the bed, pushing her into the mattress while you attack her with kisses. She squeals happily as you trace your fingers down her chest, playing with her breasts. You finally put your face in between her thighs and suck on her until euphoria wash over you both.

Lying next to her on the bed after she's fucked you good and proper, your heart still racing from the mind-blowing orgasm she gave you, you only have one thought in your head - your girl came back to you and because of it, everything will finally be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm working on adapting this piece into a novel so please give me feedback on it if you have any.


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